The secret life of a bored teenager

Before reading this, I’ll take the liberty to warn you that the content below is pure, unadulterated bullshit spewing forth from the fingers of the most bored teen on earth right now.

     Boredom has a way of twisting the mind till you’re in that place halfway  between dreams and reality because the situation is too imaginary to be real yet all your senses react the appropriate way to the situation. You following me? Good, good.

     So I’m sleeping, or awake, I’m not sure which so I’ll just assume I’m in that special place and I see myself outside the house. All seems normal but feels different till I realize it’s me. I’m driving in a car that just sped fast out of my house. This is crazy. If there were awards presented to suckers at different things. I would win a honourable mention for sucking at driving. So why am I driving?

     Still, I move on. Twenty minutes later, I stop at some club. It has the feel of one of those hip uptown clubs. Another problem. I’ve never been out clubbing. Is this a dream or not. It seems like a dream because it’s too unbelievable (given the current state of my existence) to be true, yet I feel the anticipation of partying hard building up in me. The music has never sounded clearer. And to top it off, #truefact both my parents are away.

     Well, I walk in..no no, sashay into the club. I’m met by my besty and her bf. Oh yeah. Where’s my bf? In real life, I’m single, but since it feels like a real dream, I may as well go all the way.  **I’ll stop here because the rest is censored**

     Long story short, I become fully awake (the next morning), yet I remember falling asleep at noon and I’m not one who naps for long stretches. But beat this. I wake up with all the telltale signs of my life-like dream I even have a headache and my hair looks glossier than normal.

***Now I really wake up***

**What’s happening to me?**

*Oh shit.. I know*

Boredom

***Thanks a lot, mum and dad.***

You know you love me

Xoxo..rUdE  gIrL

A letter to 30-year old me

Dear Me,

I hope you’re not all fat and fugly now. You should have a child by now. I hope your husband is HAWT! (Cough cough-I hope it’s you know who you ended up with) You know, we can’t afford our child being “not facially talented”. Hopefully, you should have a master’s degree from University of Michigan and have a good job as a reporter/journalist. I also hope you got to completing the project of turning a tangible creative idea into a book. If you haven’t gotten round to doing the CNN gig, you should get your lazy ass up now and get that job

I’m writing this letter to you listening to “Intoxicated-Jesse Jags”. Remember that? Sure you do. I’m having problem believing myself, but I hope you turned out confident and tres sexy. Also important, I hope Mr Abdulkareem, lol.loves his job and makes money from it. I really really hope your fashion sense has greatly improved, but you still have that hint of tom boyishness in you. Gawsh I’m really repeating the word hope a lot. Guess I have high expectation from you.

If you’re fat. HIT THE FUCKING GYM IMMEDIATELY. It doesn’t matter how much it costs. GET YOUR FAT ASS ON A TREADMILL. You should involve yourself in a lotta sports okay?

P.S: If you’ve lost contact with Tolu Mokuolu, FIND HER QUICKLY. I wish you get to do the sports interview thingy with Hazeez. Let’s see how he reacts to that. Tee hee. I don’t wanna run your life based on this letter, so I’m not gonna give anymore expectations. I know, a lotta things are gonna be changed by then, but I hope this letter gives you the inspiration and boost to get up and go achieve.

Don’t you dare tear up after reading this. HEAR HEAR

Your list of fave songs at 16

·         Gravity-Jason Derulo

·         Gravity-Sara Barielles

·         Airplanes-B.o.B

·         Sountrack for “A walk to remember”

·         Separate ways-Teddy Thompson (which by the way is playing right now)

I hope you have learnt that it doesn’t hurt to show a bit of emotion especially if you like someone. Okay?

Remember to always watch a romantic movie on Valentine ’s Day. It doesn’t matter if you’re with a boyfriend or not. You’re totally awesome on your own.

Get and read all the Nicholas Sparks novels okay? Hey, but do that before you get married.

Give the acting ish a shot. Who knows, you might actually win an Oscar, but don’t make it a career.

Bye hun

You know you love me

Xoxo..rUdE gIrL.