My one great love..and other ish

“And when all goes wrong, that’s all you have left to go back to and just let it all out”-Jonathan Rhys Myers-August Rush.


In a nutshell, that’s writing to me. It’s the familiar feel of comfort, hope and support. It’s the one thing I always know will be there for me no matter what. It’s more than an outlet for emotional ramblings. It’s a part of me. It understands me, it nourishes me. It rebuilds me. It knows exactly how to react to my moods. It’s the friend who sits sad and miserable with me when I wanna just crawl under the sheets and die of sadness. It laughs at me when I’m embarrassed over the most trivial things. It boosts the hell out of my ego and never forgets to tell me how much I’m worth. It opens my eyes to a whole new world of possibilities. It’s an escape from the sometimes harsh glare of life’s lights.

Life’s not worth half the stress we make it seem. Sometimes we are all so used to a set patter and feel the need to not mess with it we don’t realize we are being forced into submission. No not forced, more like willingly led into submission. We bend and bow to so many norms and cause so much damage to ourselves and the ones we love just to get to that level we feel will make us happy. And when we do? What happens?..nothing. All we see is just another staircase to ascend and realize we have only just begun. Sometimes, we can go back and choose another path to the self fulfilment and acceptance for who we are we all crave, but sometimes the door gets shut behind us and we leave all the trial of damage and hurt we have left behind.

It’s weird how me of all people will write this, but it’s the truth. Denial for too long becomes the truth for some people, in most cases, most people. But deep down, just deep down we all know that person we are is clamouring to get out. Now don’t get me wrong and let out your inner destroyer. I mean, let’s let out the person we all can be. I get it that sometimes life gives you such sour Melons, we forget what the taste of real tasty melons are. We’ve had too much bitterness to show any compassion, but we can. Let out that good person today and the reactions will surprise you.

Ramadan...

Okay, so it’s the much anticipated Muslim month of Ramadan. For yall Christians who have only bits of info, Ramadan is the fasting month for Muslims. It consists of 29 or 30 days of fasting depends on when the new moon is sighted. During that period, one has to be as pure as they can possibly be. For most, that means, no alcohol, no sex, no inappropriate contact, in fact no contact with any non-relative who is a member of the opposite sex. Okay, nuff with the dry sentences. This is the deal

Yours truly has made her list of Ramadan do’s and don’ts. I present to you...rude girl’s Ramadan’s strategies and limitations 

·         Rude girl shall try her possible best not to listen to music that will induce thoughts of well-chiselled abs and sexy British accents.

·         Other forms of music that shall be prohibited to rude girl include:

1.      Taylor swift and her hullaballoo of boys, girls, and all the amazing possibilities between them.

2.      Songs, that induce thoughts of going over to say hi to cute boys that live on street with her

3.      In fact, songs that contain the word boy or girl

...yeah right...

·         Rude girl shall not surf the net excessively for rudegirl is very adept at “accidentally” venturing into sites that are not Ramadan-friendly

·         Rudegirl shall not watch movies where some certain “choice words are used” nor view movies where certain male and female Hollywood hotties act out the fantasy of nearly 85%  of world female population...team Edward fans..beware!!!!..I’m not dissing before you curse me digitally.

·         Rude girl shall reduce social networking to the barest minimum, because some certain twitter “trending topics” will appeal to the vile disser in her and she may spew forth from her fingers obscenities that will cause father and mother to blush irrationally with shock

·         Rude girl shall time the use of her blackberry seeing that it is a newly acquired “toy” and the urges to grab and use to the fullest are still steaming inside her, rudegirl has decided to have a timetable for bb use. It shall be locked safely in mother’s hand lest I develop light fingers and steal it from myself.

·         Rudegirl shall not entertain thoughts of beating the crap out of one certain family member (she-who-shall-not-be-named)

·         Rude girl shall cease to be rudegirl and go back to being the jeans wearing, non person who speaks her mind (whether it’s at the right time or not), meek, conformist that she will never be on a normal day.

·         Since certain talents of rudegirl have to be put on hiatus, rudegirl shall find other Islamic induced ways to have fun and be cheeky.

·         Rude girl shall post blogs, devoid of cruel cheeky humour and shall concentrate on love for fellow man...I hope so..

·         In, summary, rudegirl shall become good girl.

And on the last day if Ramadan, I shall leap into the heavens, thanking God for another fasting witnessed, and in that moment, rude girl shall re-appear and good girl shall disappear..till next year when new list is composed and cycle begins all over again.

Ramadan Kareem

Xoxo

rUdEgIrL

Oops I forgot, the most important aim of all

Rudegirl shall finally lose the rest of the extra weight she has acquired form 4.5 months of non -stop dissing and eating.......I AM NOT BLOATED O..all you haters..I’m still fab enough for those dudes to testify to God...ciao...lol

Things I hate bout you

So, after watching again the movie “10 things I hate about you”, I got inspired to write my own poem on the love-hate triangle that has plagued humanity for since the word love came into existence. Now, I’m not much of a poet, so spare me in the criticisms.

I hate the way I react to you

I hate the way you change my moods

One moment, I’m confident and cool

The next I’m a blubbering angry mess because of you

I hate it when you pay me too much attention

But hate it more when you barely display any affection

I hate the way you strip me of words

Walking away leaving me in awe       

I hate the way I react very strongly

Because I hate you annoying me so easily

I hate it so much it makes me sick

But worst of all I hate

Knowing that I can’t hate you

Movie critique

Movie critique.

I put a lotta thought into deciding which movie industry I should focus on. So, I picked out the three main ones and screened them.

·         Nollywood: I am a proud Nigerian, but if I decide to attack our so called “advancing movie industry” I would proly get on the bad sides of a lotta people. So, YOU’RE OUT! (bangs judge’s mallet on table)

Which leaves me with Bollywood and Hollywood..of which I shall gladly start...

Wait a minute...

I am sooooo re-including Nollywood. After all, I am a proud African.

Bollywood:

·         These people have taken love to another level entirely. Nawa oh. Eh-hen. Is it by force to sing when you’re in love? I mean. What do they want cockroach-voiced people like me to do? And, why don’t they put fat people heh? So, in other words, fat people cannot fall in love with resident hunks and sing under tress like people high on weed ba? Look to the left, you’ll here singing. Look to the right, you’ll see dancing. I mean, what if one day, you’re walking down the street and you see your sister/brother dancing and prancing round singing with voices that sound like a dog with asthma and my daddy after a good meal (P.S: THAT voice is BAD).

·         Secondly, up until recently I was starting to get the idea that these people never brushed their teeth. Otherwise, why is it that, they will touch every available contour and ridge of the girl and never kiss? Don’t they manufacture toothpaste in India?

·         These goes out to all females who happen to be dumb, sorry I used that word enough to actually think any 9ja boy (that is straight) will carry you under a tree and start singing “Obimo, Samo, Obimo, bebe mo, Omalichanwa”..NA LIE OH!!!!

To be fore warned is to be fore armed..back me up guys

Nollywood:

·         These people are the ones that crack me up the most. You see one of the reasons I love 9ja people so much is their inherent ability to come up with funny bullshit. Once I was browsing thru an airline magazine and I came across this article that said “How to make a Nigerian movie in 10 steps”. I vividly remember steps 8. It said: on the movie poster, put the face of about three famous 9ja actors/actresses whether or not they are in the film. E.g. Desmond Elliot wearing a medical coat in a movie titled “When the Kolanut said no” (the title was from me..big ups to Effiong Okpo for citing title)

·         Themes have never passed the following:

·         My jealous stepmama wan kill me because I married a rich man

·         Money Ritual

·         Prostitute meets a man who changes her

·         My in-laws hate me because I have no child

·         Play boys and Play girls..otherwise known as ahewos

And finally...

·         You ever noticed that all 9ja films end the same way in their advertisement ...blah blah blah. Full of suspense, action, intrigue.

A must see..Grab your Copy..NOW!!!

rUdEgIrL

The average day in my house

5:30 am

     Mum walks in and begins to holler at us for sleeping to deeply. We as usual wait for her recitation on how we as good Muslim children should always wake up on reflex when we hear the call to prayer. Mu sisters and I just chill and we take the moment to steal some sleep cuz she’s gonna be there for the next five minutes.

5:35 am

     As if on cue, we both look up and tell her, “were not sleeping, we’ve heard you ma”. That is her signal for exiting. Now the problem begins me and my sis both would love to catch a few more minutes of sleep, so we stare at each other mentally willing the other to get up and use the bathroom first. I win in most cases (Imma bad girl)

5:40 am

     I’m up. I say my prayers and stumble back into bed reminding myself not to sleep late again so I can wake up early for morning prayers the next day. (P.S:I’ve been doing that since may). Back to sleep land.

8:00 am

     Aargh, this is one of the reasons I hate dad being at home. Having to wake up and make his breakfast by that time. The man too dey chop sef. Ah-han! Trust me, I don’t stand up on my own, mummy has to come and wake me up...again. This time, it takes me nearly 20 minutes to get up because its like as soon as I make an attempt to leave the bed, sleep just slaps me on the face-HARD and pushes me right back in. This is not a joke, it feels exactly that way. Ok not a slap, more like holding my neck and shoving me among the sheets. At least I get up, I didn’t lie to her that I was having cramps so my sister would do all the work that day. Now that is not meanness, I’m just helping her discover her home keeping potential. I’m such a good sister!

10:00 am

     Nearly everyone is done with breakfast. Now the mini-drama starts. Who to wash the dishes. My immediate younger sister (Il call her mimi for now) and the last born (Il call her riri). Mimi says she cant wash the plates cuz she washed dinner last night. Riri counters her argument by saying she already told mimi since they woke up that she was gonna wash dinner plates today, therefore mimi has to wash breakfast. As for me, I’m just laughing because, I AINT WASHING NO PLATES! Serves them right. This was how I used to feel when mummy used to tell me they were too small and I would do all the washing then. Good luck girls!

12:00

     THE PLATES ARE STILL UNTOUCHED. Lol. This people think I’m gonna play the elder sister card and be sympathetic or simply get irritated at their petty arguments and wash it for em. LIE!!! I know how to play the game too. Il be chilling with my movies girls!. NO SYMPATHY!!

12:30 noon

     Seeing as they have no choice, one of em gives in. By, now tis time to prepare daddy’s lunch.  Will he just have a gastric bypass for heaven’s sake or just go on a friggin diet!

1:30 pm

     Mamma drama: mummy comes in and starts to holler...again? yes..again. This time its about how she doesn’t fathom three girls who have not takes baths since morning. Yes o. That’s what three months of a messed up vacation can do to you. The good news is, we always shower before the day ends. Then she takes time to give out fresh orders which she repeats bout a billion times that change your mood from annoyance to amusement. She sure uses those vocal cords. She will not stop until we get our asses up and do whatever it is. Even then, she might squeeze in a few more.

3:00 pm

     Bath time. Im in the bathroom musing bout how lack of activity has given me some extra weight. Damn you Hollywood for making slim the it thing. I remind myself that as soon as I get to school and start being active, itl all go away..I hope.

**The next 45 minutes is spread between shower time for three girls**

4:00pm

     Mummy comes to remind us to pray. Prayer’s said, we surf the net, or watch a movie. Since mum and dad are constantly hogging the t.v all day long, our only source of fun is the internet and our laptops..thank God for laptops o. When I pass, dad tells me he has never seen me reading since I got home. Mentally, I’m like dude..I’m in uni, I change my courses every semester with no idea what the course topics are..abi should I carry any statistics textbook I see and start solving? wtf?

5:30 pm

     Dinner preparations..again..mern It aint easy. Lunch plates are washed without any hassling. Thank God. I go out and get the next season of whatever series it is i’m currently hooked on to. (just concluded smallville btw on to the hills). The rest of the day is free...

6:30

     If PHCN are feeling queasy, the generator comes on. And mummy finds a new issue to holler about. Mimi not doing something, or she reminding riri to get her clothes from the line.

7:00pm

     Prayer time..and yes mummy is in action again.

8:00pm

     Serve dad’s meal and go back to using my trusty sidekick (laptop). I’m thinking of naming her the way boys name cars..petunia maybe? Heck no

**no hassles again till bed time where I remind myself to sleep on time**

**..yeah right... like I ever listen to that**

** God I love my family**

Big tings..big dreams

**If anyone who happens to have attended the same secondary school with me or is currently enrolled in my university is reading this, please do not, I repeat, DO NOT poke fun at me. As odd as it sounds, these dreams have crossed my minds not as random ideas, but have frequently popped up in my head nearly every day.** And now, I proceed...

            I love Hollywood, movies, I love The United States of America, I love Ellen DeGeneres, nearly all my role models one at one time or the other in my short life so far has been an American. Ben Carson, Oprah Winfrey, Ellen DeGeneres, Angelina Jolie, Paris Hilton (HELL NO!!!..Though I once used to wish I was her sister with the way her credit cards always got a good workout routine).The thing in particular I’m in ,ove with is the concept of individualism and freedom to express yourself, in anyway. Now I’m definitely not a fan of homosexuals, but the fact that they were allowed to be themselves, (and I know, YES they struggled to be accepted). Now they even have their own awards GLAAD awards.

Now  a lotta people say, I like America so much because my life has literally been transfers from one prison to another. Home is a prison. Secondary school in a village ina dry state and now university in the worst possible northern state for me to finally have a brief taste of that freedom .yola...kai! Now yall are proly thinking im one of those girls who will go nuts once I have the chance. No I won’t. I’m smart enough to see where that often leads to.

Okay so back to my dreams. It started out with me watching E!’s true Hollywood stories and seeing how so many actors didn’t come from silver spoon backgrounds. Some of them were so shit poor, my imagination couldn’t even get to that level, and that is saying something. Then it progressed to me learning lines from movies I had seen. I also, began to notice the character roles that usually got Oscars. Most of them involved quite an amount of emotional breakdowns involving tears. I don’t mean your usual tears mixed with crying, I meant, silent tears or tears that came with speeches. I became fixated with them .Everyday, I would stand in front of the mirror and try to put myself in the characters shoes and cry. I only got as far as wetting my eyes with tears. None actually ever managed to spill over. Till I got my solution, I would watch a sad romantic movie and with that in mind, the tears would just come, or better still, I would listen to the soundtrack of the scene that brought me to tears.

I have dreams of becoming an actress someday, not permanently, though, I hate the paparazzi.I also have dreams of writing and producing a true life story. I don’t have huge plans and all. What I really still want to do is write, investigate and report news, but a little of Hollywood will make it all worthwhile.

P.S: I also wanna be a covergirl

P.P.S: and a supermodel

P.P.P.S: and a bestselling author

P.P.P.P.S: and erm...lol I was kiddn..bout the P.S-es ..well, except the cover girl part..for vogue or Elle to be precise.

You know you love me

xOxO

rUdEgIrL

randomzzz

 Random title? Yeah, I know. Its one of those moments where I have so many random teenage thoughts swirling through my head, but none carries that extra weight to publish a whole blogs worth of topic. If my last sentence made no sense, you still know what I mean so quit correcting me.

So, I have some “miniature-sized bumps” on the smooth plane of skin that I call my face. Why? My family has no history with pimples or any other facial complications, so why am I the one. I know some people might ask why I’m freaking out because of a few “bumps”, not pimple, mind you. I asked my mum, and she said they were mosquito bites. Thank you so much PHCN for limiting my toasting opportunities..lol..jokes

So, I basically live in an area where the only friend I have happens to be my cousin. The other few teenagers happen to be either sad excuses for humanity or they are male species. Now we wouldn’t want daddy to have a fit if one of them decides to holler at my house, so I’m sticking to prevention better than cure.

I’m sitting here listening to red jumpsuits apparatus’s-guardian angel. Excellent song by the way, if you like guitars. Red jumpsuit apparatus. Who in the world comes up with a name like that for a group/band? They’ve got amazing vocals though. Damn I forgot what my next sentence was. That’s been happening a lot to me lately. I hope it’s not early amnesia.

Oh yes, before I forget. IF YOU HAVE NOT SEEN INCEPTION, STEAL, BORROW, MONEY AND/OR DO WHATEVER IT TAKES TO SEE IT. ..Or you could just go to the cinemas and pay. That movie, I believe slapped James Cameron and his amazing writing and directing skills right across the face...HARD!!!. Also, some peeps have been saying stuff bout dull people not understanding the movie. As for me, I think, as long as you graduated high school..without any corner corner, you’re fine. Well, except you’re extraordinarily retarded. Big ups the director..what’s his name again?..damn I forgot. Oh well.He also directed the dark knight which I do not need to tell you was a HUGE success, even thought I really didn’t see the fanciness.(I preferred the book)..

Okay, so yes, yall have seen the intellectual pathway of randomly intelligible erm..erm..thoughts.yes thoughts passing through the head of rudegirl tonight.

**peace**

family -ish..2

**This was too juicy to wait till tomorrow.**

And here I was thinking my life sucked and I had nothing to blog about when all the laughter and annoyance was staring me right in the face. I know I promised never to blog bout daddy again, but damn..Twas too juicy

ANNOUNCEMENT!!!

POPSY HAS JOINED FACEBOOK OOO!!!!  

**I am officially screwed over.**

Okay, so back to basics. After todays emmbarrasmentation-yes it is a word, just not in the dictionary. I decided to try my luck to see if I would still be able to wrangle cash outta him cuz I needed to chill with peeps. So, I told him. Na so popsy begin to dey question me o.

“Which friends?”

“From where?” (ah-han..so im not supposed to have friends again...I GO TO SCHOOL FOR FUCK SAKE!)

“I thought you said all your school friends were based in abj” I replied “most of them yes, but there in Lagos now”

“Who are they?”

I couldn’t help myself, na so I begin laugh (inwardly o...if not...)

I replied “shayo, ade  e.t.c (fake named btw) I had to. If he heard the name of a male..all hell would let loose. Now I couldn’t afford that could I?

One hour later

My lil sis comes to tell me “daddy is joining facebook”

Me: *silence*

He joins logs in and goes straight to the profile of my youngest sister. Bear in mind tha t she is just 12 as I relay what she told me

Youngest sis: So daddy checked my profile and started shouting just cuz I put up a nickname in the middle. He was shouting bout how putting up the nickname in facebook can affect my job opportunities in the future...IMAGINE!!!!! 

Me: What of me whose facebook name is false from start to finish?

Youngest sis: Then he started checking all the profiles of all my friends (over 170 people o!) and asked her who each person was respectively.

Me: I swear down, half my friends on facebook, I DONT KNOW 

 He then saw the profile of one of our neighbours who was like 21. He started hollerin again ...”These boy is too old to be your friend”

Me: Biko, this boy is our neighbour, not her toaster

#ontothenextone her info  

Youngest sis: On the “Reasons for joining facebook” He saw friendship and dating..which I think she put up as a joke

Popsy begin holler again o....wait now..I’m not done yet..

Youngest sis: On the “interested in” part I put both sexes..I mean.. I didn’t want to appear like a lesbian. Daddy saw it and started to holler...again...

Me: I PUT ONLY MEN OOO...(lauhing)

**I’m waiting for popsy to ask about my profile**

**The house will go up in flames**

Stay tuned for the next instalment of family-ish—mummy dearest.

You know you love me

XoxO

rUdE gIrL

Karma

Aint karma a bitch? Just as soon as I blog-gossip bout my obsessive dad, does fate decide to play a classic on me. I’m so embarrassed right now, I feel the only way to get better is just to write bout it. Geez, I’m not even so sure bout that anymore. God, I’m so embarrassed. So here’s what happened:

For as long as I can remember, I had a bit of a complex. The-I’m-too-effing-comfortable-in-my-house. I mean gimme a break. It was like my brain cells realigned themselves to become laxy and care-free as soon as I was back home from school or wherever I was. In contrast, I was always extra careful outside my house. So, one of the symptoms of the complex involves sleeping in the most awkward positions, and given the current power state, I tended to sleep with less. My dad always had this nasty habit of walking into the room early In the morning to switch off our lights or wake us up to get something from him, so naturally, he met me in those (coughs) erm..positions

I never gave a shit until bout 30 minutes ago, when daddy dearest walked into the room to see me in the most embarrassing sleep position ever. Don’t get me wrong. I wasn’t naked. God no. This was worse..way worse..trust me.

Needless to say, I will never ever sleep with only a t-shirt on...not when dad is around..In fact NEVER....

Shit im so embarrassed I could die..How the heck am I going to face him when the whole house is awake..?..He better not snitch to mummy o...otherwise..my own don finish today..No more chilling wiv friends

Dear God, I will never blog-gossip about daddy again

Family Ish-Part One

So yes, I don’t belong to the Kardashian clan and my family isn’t crawling with fabulousity. In fact, my family is pretty normal. Well, for an obsessive-compulsive father, a mum who just makes you want to laugh and scream at the same time, sisters who you suspect were sent by God to punish you for your past sins on earth, my family is just like any other Nigerian middle-class family trying to survive the BS this country throws at us and we throw at ourselves daily.

The father:

·         Head of the house

I’l start with a physical description. He is a bit fat, has a pot (don’t they all do), dark skinned and not bad looking for his age (I mean, I ddnt get my fine face from someone who looked like cow poo now.)

This man is the epitome of overprotective. CHRIST!  You should see this man have a fit if he discovers my cinema trip was with a boy. He naturally assumes that all my friends are girls. Seriously, I mean were in 2010 o. Daddy wake up. It’s like this man no wan make I grow up again. He monitors all my phone calls, he has to know all the people I’m going out with, and if he as much as hears the word “party”. My life will never be the same again. I’m just waiting for the man’s reaction when I tell him I have a boyfriend, or even better, IM BISEXUAL. Man go die...

P.S: Im not bisexual. It’s a scare tactic used m=by frustrated sixteen year olds like me who want our fathers to be so scared of us becoming lesbians that they encourage us to meet as many male species as we can. IT WORKS O!!...(speaking from experience)..lol

Emotional blog...yeah right

Okay, fellow bloggers so I absolutely dunno what to write but whatever it is in my head that has no credible language definitely shared meaning with emotional bullshit or whatever it is we girls think of when we watch a movie or see a real life situation. Yeah yeah whatever, before I get lost in my usual ranting and get all confused and muddled up. So erm, here goes:

Where do I start? Okay. So a few days ago, I saw the movie “eclipse”, the third instalment in the twilight saga. Basically, what struck me first were these three words “Bella is one dumb asshole of a female”. More than three words? I know. Bite me. Then I thought, naa I’m being too judgemental. So I decided to spend a whole day watching romantic movies ranging from comedies (jab we met) to sad( a walk to remember) to downright dumb(when in rome). They all had one unique feature. All the leading men were “imperfectly perfect”. Their flaws were so tailored, they became cute little features. And then it struck me. The writers of this movie simply decided to put the dreams of more than half the females of this world in to paper and film..and it worked, but here are some few tips I wanna give out. Just in case we missed them while being sidetracked by the movie’s love schmuck. Not that I’m complaining

·         Team Edward fans of twilight. First off..VAMPIRES HAVE NOT BEEN PROVEN TO EXIST SO GIVE UP ALL HOPE OF LOOKING 17 FOR THE NEXT 200 YEARS. Also, if vampires did exist and exhibit the famous quality of drinking blood only, you will never find a vampire that is a vegetarian o. One day, hunger go catch them and they go feed on you. (thumbs up to HBO’s true blood for proving that as good as bill Compton is, he still feeds from sookie stackhouse).

·         On vampires again (P.S: I have no beef wiv em ) they can never be completely human so, don’t try to believe they ever will be

·         Team Jacob fans, as much as I love Jacob black and Taylor Lautner, I know one thing, buff teenage boys/slash werewolves are again I repeat HAVE NO PROOF OF EXISTENCE. And if they did..oh shit I’m biased bout this part so I’m just gonna stop here.

·         I am a huge fan of sad romantic stories because I believe that true love doesn’t last till both of yall grow old. At least not with the male species of today. So, I like them because the love is short-live and almost believable, but. If you’re ready to die or face someone die after you share one summer. Fine...DREAM ON!!

·         The worst of em all..Love stories that have happy endings. Have you ever considered what happens after the “honeymoon period”. Yall will notice that the flow of most romantic comedies are thus (meeting—attraction--flirting and fronting (in some cases)-mutual acknowledgement of attraction--they almost kiss—or kiss, depending on the movie--problem arrives (usually caused when one fucks up based on something bad about him/her which they both knew was existent in him/her when they first met—sad part with all the sad songs to make us feel they depth of their sadness(it’s all music people!!)—realization that the other means so much to him/her (in most cases him realizes he cannot live without her and goes after her)—some long speech about feelings and a few laughs or tears—THEY FINALLY KISS OH or if kissing took place before, they solidify their relationship....so wgat happens after happily ever after....take note ladies

·         KISSES ARE REHEARSED. They are not made perfect in one take....so will MTV viewers not vote Bella and Edward next year for best on screen kiss again..I don tire o. Even R.Pattinson said they have to cut over and over again.P’S: THAT is a lotta saliva.

I’m too hooked up to a song right now to think of anymore reasons

See ya

You know you love me

XoxO...rUdE gIrL

The secret life of a bored teenager

Before reading this, I’ll take the liberty to warn you that the content below is pure, unadulterated bullshit spewing forth from the fingers of the most bored teen on earth right now.

     Boredom has a way of twisting the mind till you’re in that place halfway  between dreams and reality because the situation is too imaginary to be real yet all your senses react the appropriate way to the situation. You following me? Good, good.

     So I’m sleeping, or awake, I’m not sure which so I’ll just assume I’m in that special place and I see myself outside the house. All seems normal but feels different till I realize it’s me. I’m driving in a car that just sped fast out of my house. This is crazy. If there were awards presented to suckers at different things. I would win a honourable mention for sucking at driving. So why am I driving?

     Still, I move on. Twenty minutes later, I stop at some club. It has the feel of one of those hip uptown clubs. Another problem. I’ve never been out clubbing. Is this a dream or not. It seems like a dream because it’s too unbelievable (given the current state of my existence) to be true, yet I feel the anticipation of partying hard building up in me. The music has never sounded clearer. And to top it off, #truefact both my parents are away.

     Well, I walk in..no no, sashay into the club. I’m met by my besty and her bf. Oh yeah. Where’s my bf? In real life, I’m single, but since it feels like a real dream, I may as well go all the way.  **I’ll stop here because the rest is censored**

     Long story short, I become fully awake (the next morning), yet I remember falling asleep at noon and I’m not one who naps for long stretches. But beat this. I wake up with all the telltale signs of my life-like dream I even have a headache and my hair looks glossier than normal.

***Now I really wake up***

**What’s happening to me?**

*Oh shit.. I know*

Boredom

***Thanks a lot, mum and dad.***

You know you love me

Xoxo..rUdE  gIrL

A letter to 30-year old me

Dear Me,

I hope you’re not all fat and fugly now. You should have a child by now. I hope your husband is HAWT! (Cough cough-I hope it’s you know who you ended up with) You know, we can’t afford our child being “not facially talented”. Hopefully, you should have a master’s degree from University of Michigan and have a good job as a reporter/journalist. I also hope you got to completing the project of turning a tangible creative idea into a book. If you haven’t gotten round to doing the CNN gig, you should get your lazy ass up now and get that job

I’m writing this letter to you listening to “Intoxicated-Jesse Jags”. Remember that? Sure you do. I’m having problem believing myself, but I hope you turned out confident and tres sexy. Also important, I hope Mr Abdulkareem, lol.loves his job and makes money from it. I really really hope your fashion sense has greatly improved, but you still have that hint of tom boyishness in you. Gawsh I’m really repeating the word hope a lot. Guess I have high expectation from you.

If you’re fat. HIT THE FUCKING GYM IMMEDIATELY. It doesn’t matter how much it costs. GET YOUR FAT ASS ON A TREADMILL. You should involve yourself in a lotta sports okay?

P.S: If you’ve lost contact with Tolu Mokuolu, FIND HER QUICKLY. I wish you get to do the sports interview thingy with Hazeez. Let’s see how he reacts to that. Tee hee. I don’t wanna run your life based on this letter, so I’m not gonna give anymore expectations. I know, a lotta things are gonna be changed by then, but I hope this letter gives you the inspiration and boost to get up and go achieve.

Don’t you dare tear up after reading this. HEAR HEAR

Your list of fave songs at 16

·         Gravity-Jason Derulo

·         Gravity-Sara Barielles

·         Airplanes-B.o.B

·         Sountrack for “A walk to remember”

·         Separate ways-Teddy Thompson (which by the way is playing right now)

I hope you have learnt that it doesn’t hurt to show a bit of emotion especially if you like someone. Okay?

Remember to always watch a romantic movie on Valentine ’s Day. It doesn’t matter if you’re with a boyfriend or not. You’re totally awesome on your own.

Get and read all the Nicholas Sparks novels okay? Hey, but do that before you get married.

Give the acting ish a shot. Who knows, you might actually win an Oscar, but don’t make it a career.

Bye hun

You know you love me

Xoxo..rUdE gIrL.