Movie critique

Movie critique.

I put a lotta thought into deciding which movie industry I should focus on. So, I picked out the three main ones and screened them.

·         Nollywood: I am a proud Nigerian, but if I decide to attack our so called “advancing movie industry” I would proly get on the bad sides of a lotta people. So, YOU’RE OUT! (bangs judge’s mallet on table)

Which leaves me with Bollywood and Hollywood..of which I shall gladly start...

Wait a minute...

I am sooooo re-including Nollywood. After all, I am a proud African.

Bollywood:

·         These people have taken love to another level entirely. Nawa oh. Eh-hen. Is it by force to sing when you’re in love? I mean. What do they want cockroach-voiced people like me to do? And, why don’t they put fat people heh? So, in other words, fat people cannot fall in love with resident hunks and sing under tress like people high on weed ba? Look to the left, you’ll here singing. Look to the right, you’ll see dancing. I mean, what if one day, you’re walking down the street and you see your sister/brother dancing and prancing round singing with voices that sound like a dog with asthma and my daddy after a good meal (P.S: THAT voice is BAD).

·         Secondly, up until recently I was starting to get the idea that these people never brushed their teeth. Otherwise, why is it that, they will touch every available contour and ridge of the girl and never kiss? Don’t they manufacture toothpaste in India?

·         These goes out to all females who happen to be dumb, sorry I used that word enough to actually think any 9ja boy (that is straight) will carry you under a tree and start singing “Obimo, Samo, Obimo, bebe mo, Omalichanwa”..NA LIE OH!!!!

To be fore warned is to be fore armed..back me up guys

Nollywood:

·         These people are the ones that crack me up the most. You see one of the reasons I love 9ja people so much is their inherent ability to come up with funny bullshit. Once I was browsing thru an airline magazine and I came across this article that said “How to make a Nigerian movie in 10 steps”. I vividly remember steps 8. It said: on the movie poster, put the face of about three famous 9ja actors/actresses whether or not they are in the film. E.g. Desmond Elliot wearing a medical coat in a movie titled “When the Kolanut said no” (the title was from me..big ups to Effiong Okpo for citing title)

·         Themes have never passed the following:

·         My jealous stepmama wan kill me because I married a rich man

·         Money Ritual

·         Prostitute meets a man who changes her

·         My in-laws hate me because I have no child

·         Play boys and Play girls..otherwise known as ahewos

And finally...

·         You ever noticed that all 9ja films end the same way in their advertisement ...blah blah blah. Full of suspense, action, intrigue.

A must see..Grab your Copy..NOW!!!

rUdEgIrL