Its rising, building up like sand swirls right before a bastard storm. It’s a storm, yes, but not a literal storm, a metaphorical one. The constant battle of self acceptance. The competitive war between the good sheep, and the big bad wolf hidden deep in the inner recesses of your mind. Yes, that storm.
It starts with the telltale signs, turmoil, confusion. Wondering what on earth brought you back to the same bloody rut you were stuck in years, moths, weeks, days ago. You think you’re over it but you’re not. It’s the one issue that will haunt you for all eternity. You ask yourself, why you just don’t let it go. It goes fine for a while, but even you can’t pretend to yourself forever. It’s your nature, you can’t deny it. You can only tame it, but so far. You’re taking the quick messed up approach.
I write with a weary heart, for desert storms gather in me. I’ve tried to fight it off, but I’m powerless. Held down the basest instincts of primitive humanity that lies within us all. I’m but a slave to my body, myself. Years of civilization and honing has but left a small dent in my fabric. What am I? because I do not succumb to years of training and expectation, am I to be cast out? Scorned? Rejected? Even by the ones who are supposed to be there? I’m an empty hollow existing shell, I feel nothing, yet feel the sharpest sting of betrayal, the most painful feeling of disappointment. The deep embarrassment that comes with rejection. I do not feel the warm embraces of love, hope, faith, and unconditional belief.
The storm is here, and I cannot but fall helpless at its feet. I’m carried away by the winds of self destruction and anger. Soon, it’ll all be over and I’ll be left an empty hollowed out shell. With time, I will heal, but only in time again to face another metaphorical storm
Who will help me?
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