zzaap...ure not getting anywhere

          Mum and dad are getting a divorce, I'm still in the middle stages of getting over my latest emotional screw-up, my best friends hate each other and I'm stuck with the duty of making them feel just as important as the other. The source of my heartbreak seems to have clearly moved on leaving me desperate to do the same just as quickly, My "A's" are becoming "A-'s". As I always do, I sit down, analyse the situation and plan the method of execution of the solution. 
          I'l make my mum and dad remember the reason they fell in love in the first place. I'l sit my friends down and tell them how much they are hurting me by being douche bags and expecting me to be the only mature one. I'l try to be more friendly towards my screw-up partner so hopefully, the little strings will become friendship strings. I'l cut down my fun time and solve my academic crisis. I mean, I have it all under control, I'm super-female in the making. I've been doing this since I could reason, this'l be so easy.
          A month later: The parent trap seems to be succeeding. My dad and mum seem so comfortable with each other now. There's no more hurtful words and screams. My friends are on sync. My studies rock. My screw-up and I are fast becoming friends. See? I knew I could solve it. I'm the shit, no doubt about that. I was in for a shocker:
          My parents tell me they are still getting a divorce, but thanks to me, they are friends. My besties I worked so hard for cook up a scandal about me. My screw-up just kissed a girl in front of me and it hurt because he didn't have enough respect to do it when I wasn't in sight. The only consolation I have is my books that are still going fine now. I was standing so unprepared when it hit me. It hit me so hard I burst into tears: I WAS A FAILURE. I COULD NOT SOLVE MY PROBLEMS. I WAS A SCREW-UP.
          It took me a big mistake to learn this, but I did. You can't solve all your problems. The best you can do is hope you have tried your best and watch the rest happen. \there's a good chance it'l be messed up, but you only make it worse when you try to stop it. It's like those "final destination" movies where you try to stop death and end up failing woefully where the only place you have time to ponder on what went wrong is six feet under where you'l end up either way. 
          I was living in a bubble. For too long ,I wallowed in self denial. I'm coming clean now. Yes, my parents are getting divorced. Yes I'm not completely over him even if he seems to be over me and the thought hurts that I'm the only one suffering. Yes, my besties are at loggerheads and want me to be there for em both, I'l try to be as much as I can. My books-well that's pretty self explanatory. I WILL FACE REALITY AND STOP LIVING A LIE.
          I'm awake. I cannot believe I just dreamt, but it's still reality. My parents are still clawing at each other, my besties still hate each other, I still miss my screw-up and (oh I hate to say this)-I still have an "A-". I'l be fine, I know and tell myself. I'l take it slow, one day at a time...or maybe not??? (old habits die hard o)
                                                  You know you love me
                                                     xoxo...rUdE gIrL